well i havent posted in forver but i need to get back at this so i can look at it when i am 30 and think about what a psychotic weirdo i was.

anyways, im sitting at meyer tool from 7 to four. thats a very long time to sit here. at least i am getting paid. i also realize that being a secretary i keep having to see my fingers and i really should have painted my nails. oops.

on another note…

finals sucked. i studied a lot. i did terrible. i dont have a 2.5..only a 2.35, that embarrasses me and now i need to explain myself to u of i. i can not tell them the real reason my grades were not good, so i suppose i’ll have to think of something or bye bye illini along with all of my hopes and dreams.

but know what?

at least it is summer time. i mean i still have to go to school and find a job, but just think of the sunshine, the tans, swinging on the swings, living in my pretty house and not a dorm, and friendsss.

it will be wonderful.

speaking of summer..All summer long just came onto the radio. good omens my friends. good omens.

the night finals were over we had a last bash in iowa city. i have never been so hung over so the next night we just went out to dinner and ice cream and had a movie night for our last night together.

i did not realize how sad it would be to leave iowa and the new people i met, but when the time came i cried my eyes out. i’ve become so close with the girls on my floor and leaving them knowing i wasnt coming back was very hard. especially when my RA checked me and Meag out and locked our door, i realized it was real and the life that i have known for the past year was over. somewhat good, but still sad.

the next day it was up to loras to reunite. SUCH a fun night. my friends are the shit. legit. i love them and can’t wait to be with them all summer long.

but other than that..i need to find a job. asap. or i will be poor forever. goodbye.

im exhausted, look like shit, and am sick of this.

You are better than this. Yes, you do love him. Too much in fact. You love him. But you don’t need him. Why would you need or even want a guy who leaves you over and over again because of his own insecurities? He knows it. He knows that you will always be there waiting for him no matter how long he’s going to take. Don’t let him take you for granted. You deserve so much more.

You are what every guy looks for in a girl. Understand that. You are amazing. You are willing to sacrifice everything for love. There will be so many other better guys who are going to come into your life and fall for you in an instant. So do it. Move on. Wait for the guy who will do the same for you. Wait for the one who will love you more than he can love himself. The one who will never let you wait because he’s too afraid to lose you. The one who is always there for you, whether you need him or not because he loves you so much. Wait for the guy who can look you straight in the eye to tell you that he wants to spend the rest of his life with nobody else but you.
Move on.
Stop waiting.
There is no point in waiting for somebody who doesn’t realise your value.
I love you. You will be fine.
Trust me. Life always goes on.

finals do things to me. 

they make my head hurt, make my hereditary under eye bags worse, make me have random bouts of rage and make me want to cry.

it sucks that the last week i have with  these people is full of schoolwork when we should be celebrating being together for the last few times. although, we do know how to mix fun in with studying. we had a 7 person striptease last night. people legit think we are nuts in this lounge. they hate us. hahahah sucks. 

me and sara decided that when we leave each other were going to start and ongoing facebook message to keep up with each others lives. i wish she lived closer. so bad. it’s weird how sadie was my best friend here then all of a sudden me and sara started spending every waking moment together. she is different than anyone i have ever met and i love her to death. 

also..chemistry. it makes me feel hopelessss. i feel bad that i am paying all of this money when in all honesty ( i know you are supposed to look at the brightside) but i am probably going to fail either way. i feel like working hard is a waste of time. and id rather be putting my energy into anatomy and animal bio. but i suppose i cant give up. work.

but nonetheless, im super excited to be home :) and be with the best people in the world, the gang <3

i wonder what it will be like when we are forced to add significant others to the gang. hopefully no one in our group will be foolish enough to bring anyone lame into it. hm.

anyways hard work ahead. peace out.

 i miss you sailor moon. 

sore sore sore sore. i was already sore from running, but today we circuit trained and holy mother was it hard. keep. it. up.

we literally cleared out the lounge, blasted music, put on spandex and long socks and went nuts. the entire floor thought we were insane. they thought right.

tonight made me realize how much i am going to miss these few girls on my floor. they have become some of my best friends and i feel so lucky to have met them. they are so different from the friends i have at home but amazing in their own ways.

we honestly can have the best time camping out in the lounge studying, dancing, singing, and talking. i have had some of the best talks with these girls.

such a bittersweet feeling to say goodbye :/